Tuesday thoughts

Since Sunday we have been spoiled rotten with beautiful weather! On Sunday we took full advantage of this weather and went to a playground in town. It was so nice to be outside getting some fresh air especially after last week's cough and cold. It was really the first time we've been to a playground with Gabriella and she absolutely loved it! She went in the swing and went down the slide for the very first time. It was so cute! She was all smiles and we had a blast.

Today Gabriella's exit from the birth to three program became official. Her physical therapist and case coordinator came over and I signed the evaluation that said that she was no longer eligible for services. A year ago I couldn't have imagined that we would be ending this program now. I had just assumed that we would stay with this program all the way until preschool and then continue with special ed through preschool and elementary school. Not because I was pessimistic, but simply the reality of having a micro-preemie is that they are at such a high risk for so many things. To have Gabriella "graduate" from this program after just one year is a true miracle. It really was so emotional; it made it so real that she is healthy and doing so well. I know that may seem weird to say because obviously we are with her every single day and know how well she has done. But just seeing it on paper, reaching this milestone, just hit home. She survived against so many odds, and not only survived but thrived. Something happens when you have a baby in the NICU for a long period of time;  you get so used to hearing everything that is keeping them there, everything that is not going well. Not saying that the staff is negative, but it is simply the reality of being in the NICU. Your baby is in intensive care because they are not healthy enough to be at home. You sort of permanently hold your breath, waiting, praying for good news but ready for bad news. Getting past that feeling has probably been the hardest thing I've had to adjust to this past year. It is so hard not to expect the worst. I remember when Gabriella got her first cold, months after leaving the hospital. I remember thinking, well this is going to be terrible, this will be a horrible virus, she will probably be in the hospital. But of course it wasn't, and she wasn't. It was a simple mild cold that she got past. And slowly those feelings faded. So today, seeing in writing that she is not qualified for therapy, reading that developmentally she is exactly where she should be, took my breath away and made me start crying. Tears of relief, tears of answered prayers, and tears of not believing we made it to this point. I know when you are a parent the stress and worry never ends. I know that we'll have bumps in the road, struggles, and a thousand other worries as parents. But today I felt like the little bit of NICU anxiety and worry that remained finally faded. 

xo,

Mary